Thursday, March 28, 2013

As I recall the days

Well, my pregnancy was painful but no problems at all. I had hoped for a natural birth this go round, but as it got closer to the end I was in so much pain I wanted a csection scheduled. I also had mentioned that she is not moving like she typically does. they all passed it off as her size. My doctor referred me to a surgeon. I was not a fan of him from the start. I wanted to have Madilyne at 38 weeks but he wouldn't consider it at all. I asked for the 28 and he said no as it still wasn't 39, so asked for the 30 and he said, no I am busy. I can do the 31 or you are welcome to find another surgeon. This was only 2 weeks away so didn't think I had time to set up another appointment. I remember saying that we may as well wait til sept 1 since it won't make any difference anyway. No idea where that came from except I think god started to prepare me for what was to come.

On the 29 I went in to my doctor and he listened to her heart. He said it sounded good, but I told him it sounded odd. He said it had good rises and strength. I asked him to please strip my membranes as u need to deliver her today. He checked but said I was only 1.5 cm so not really a good idea. I left in tears.

Thursday night as u lay in bed I felt so sick. I latex in bed listening to her heartbeat all night. When we woke, her heart rate was slightly slow, but I felt her moving slightly.

A friend called and prayed for me as she knew I was scared. We had had a miscarriage right before we got pregnant with Madilyne. As we were in route to the hospital for the csection, she gave a huge kick in my ribs. I felt it was for reassurance, but now know it was goodbye.

When we hit there, they monitored and heard her moving, but when they went to hook up to get heart rate they couldn't find it. I still want concerned as she never cooperated with that.

My husband stepped out for a moment and the doctor (the one i didnt like) comes in and does an ultra sound and says, here is the aorta it should be pumping, here is the heart it should be beating. Your fetus died in utero. What do you want us to do. I told them to get her out NOW she was just moving. They said no, so I told them to get out and I started to bea on
My stomach hoping I could do CPR from the outside. I then called all I could think of and asked for prayer that the doc was wrong or that we could cope with the news. I called my other doc and asked him to come now.

He verified the news, hugged, cried and prayed with me and then he helped introduce me to my beautiful and forever perfect princess. Madilyne eleahnah Margaret 8.31.12 @ 1:41pm 10lb 6oz 22in.

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