Wednesday, September 19, 2012

To be NORMAL again

Oh to feel like I am normal again.

I know that people mean well when they keep their babies at a distance or when they try to say things that are all true like, "She is in a better place."  I know that the statement is true, but as the momma to Lena, I would still rather have her here with me.  I am thankful that she is with Jesus versus the alternative, but what mother doesn't want their baby in their arms?  I don't think there is one mother that has lost a child that can say they wouldn't want to have the chance to hold them again or watch them grow up.

My arms ache to hold a baby, any baby right now.  I need to remember, I need to feel how soft they are.  It is hard to describe how my arms truly and physically ache for a baby.  I know that none will take the place of my Lena, but being able to hold one would provide so much joy.  I love children, I love babies...I need to feel that I can still nurture a precious little person even if they are not mine.

I just want people to talk to me the same, to even talk about Lena and however she impacted them.  It helps.  It is healing to know she is remembered and loved.  I need to know that she is remembered by more than us.  I need to know that people, no matter how uncomfortable the situation is, will still just be our friends.  You don't have to avoid us or avoid talking about her.  We might cry, but that is okay.  We cry because we loved deeply.  Remember, Jesus wept...there is healing in the tears.  Help us heal.

Romans 8:26

New International Version (NIV)
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

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