Thursday, May 23, 2013

9 Months - 5.31.13

Madilyne, my precious little girl. 

Today you are nine months. My heart still misses you, but I do find myself able to survive and move forward better without you. I don't think there will ever be a day that I don't wish things were different and that I could be watching you grow and be loved on by us. Your brother would have loved having you here and I am saddest about him not having a sibling. 

Oh how my heart still longs for a baby in my arms. I wish I knew if that was in God's plans for us. Waiting is so hard. We waited for you for 3 years and 9 months and never got to hear you cry. 

My heart and soul has days of great contentment in my circumstances, but I still have moments of yearning. Is that my selfishness or a God given desire? I wrestle with this and offer it all to God so frequently. 

I love you so and I hope that God tells you about us. Our hope was to have you on our lap and tell you about Jesus, but hope that the reverse is happening now. We love you so much and miss you. I wish I could have saved you. 

I will love you forever and love to hear your name on people's lips. You are a previous gift from God to us. Our sorrow is deep because our love
was great. 

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