Thursday, November 8, 2012

Knowing you are not alone, eases the sting

We know that God tells us that there is nothing new under heaven.  And that no temptation has seized us but what is common to man.  But it is still nice to find people that are or have experienced something that you are dealing with and walking through.

When Madilyne first died, I was not at all interested in finding a support group or really anyone that has walked through this, but as I continue to face each day, my heart has changed in that area.  I had hoped that Torrey and I would walk through this more together, and where we are both in it, we are not dealing with it the same.  So, I have been craving the need to hear others stories and hope they have found.  I want to find people that understand to a certain extent and hear what they have done to find healing and a purpose, or even how they have been able to give their little one a voice and help others.

It still continues to amaze me how many people this happens to.  Why is this such a silent sadness?  It shouldn't be so.  Our precious little babies are full of meaning and purpose and we as their parents need to talk, we need to feel loved, we need to know that you are willing to talk to us about someone that IS very special to us.  We don't want you to forget them or us.  Just like you long to talk about your children, share in their special days, so do we.  We do not have our child here to celebrate with us, so that makes the days harder to endure and that is why we need you.  We still want to celebrate them because they are so special to our heart.  

Let me encourage any of you that when you hear that someone has lost someone very precious to them, write down the date of the loss and if you know the date of their birth, write that down too.  I would encourage you to call, send a card or anything to your friend on the day(s) of significance, because it will touch them that you are thinking of them and praying for them.  Those are just some of the HARD days that are faced with loss.  

If you have even thought to send a card of sympathy, but didn't get it out right away, it is okay.  It means a lot that you are thinking of them no matter when the card is sent.  You never know the impact that card or call will make on the day it arrives.

Loss is a very hard thing to deal with because you just don't know the best thing to do.  Let me say this, don't ignore the people, don't walk away, don't pretend to not see them.  All you need to do is tell them you are sorry...acknowledge them, hug them.  It HURTS so much more when we feel abandoned in any way.  Even if you don't know them, but you see them in church or you cross circles with them.  It hurts to feel like we don't exist.  

I challenge you to think of how lonely it would feel if in the middle of your loss, all the people that you know, have seen or love walk around you because they don't know what to do or say.  It would not feel great and it just increases the hurt.

You need to say nothing, you need to fix nothing.  You can say sorry for your loss, you can hug them, you can cry with them.
If we cry, it just means we are touched by your words because the person we lost is dear to us.  If you cry with us, it touches us deeply to know that you care and are helping with the burden we carry.  

Just really consider how loss is a very fragile time for most people, how can you help them feel that despite the loss, you care?

1 Corinthians 10:13
13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Ecclesiastes 1

All Is Vanity

The words of the Preacher,[a] the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
Vanity[b] of vanities, says the Preacher,
    vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
What does man gain by all the toil
    at which he toils under the sun?
A generation goes, and a generation comes,
    but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises, and the sun goes down,
    and hastens[c] to the place where it rises.
The wind blows to the south
    and goes around to the north;
around and around goes the wind,
    and on its circuits the wind returns.
All streams run to the sea,
    but the sea is not full;
to the place where the streams flow,
    there they flow again.
All things are full of weariness;
    a man cannot utter it;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
    nor the ear filled with hearing.
What has been is what will be,
    and what has been done is what will be done,
    and there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there a thing of which it is said,
    “See, this is new”?
It has been already
    in the ages before us.
11 There is no remembrance of former things,[d]
    nor will there be any remembrance
of later things[e] yet to be
    among those who come after.

The Vanity of Wisdom

12 the Preacher have been king over Israel in Jerusalem. 13 And I applied my heart[f] to seek and to search out by wisdom all that is done under heaven. It is an unhappy business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. 14 I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity[g]and a striving after wind.[h]
15 What is crooked cannot be made straight,
    and what is lacking cannot be counted.
16 I said in my heart, “I have acquired great wisdom, surpassing all who were over Jerusalem before me, and my heart has had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.” 17 And I applied my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this also is but a striving after wind.
18 For in much wisdom is much vexation,    and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.

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