Friday, November 30, 2012

30 November 2012

Butterflies remind me of the new life you have with Jesus.
You have been transformed from a caterpillar to a beautiful
butterfly.  Love, Momma
Dear Madilyne,

Today you are 13 weeks/3 months our baby in heaven.  We miss you and think of you all the time in some form or another.  Where we miss you like crazy, please know that we are doing well in moving forward in our life and trying to find purpose in losing you.  You are a precious gift to us and have heightened our desire to share the name of Jesus to others, mostly those that are hurting.

Momma now has a computer again, so will get back to making up pamphlets that can help some and educate others.  I really want to do whatever I can to help save the lives of precious babies like you as well as teach people how they can care for those that have to walk through the loss of a wee one for the rest of their lives.

This is how Momma sees you.  I am
so thankful for the promises of God.
Jesus, Hold our little ones oh so tight.
Tell them we love them so.  Thank you
for allowing us time with them.
The other day, I was actually able to thank God for your death.  That statement is hard to write and even hard to read because it doesn't make sense, and I can't say that I truly understand it.  God tells us to "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  And so we rejoice and give thanks for the time we had with you and for your death knowing that if we saw what God sees, that we would choose what He chose.  We do not see all, so we have days that we struggle and will continue to.  We are still able to walk in hope.

Turner has so much hope for more babies in our home.  I am thankful that even in losing 4 precious kids from our home, that he still has a heart big enough to want more.  He tells us that we will SOON have another baby and that there will be 2, one of each.  We don't care if it is just hope on his part or if God is using him to be prophetic or just offer his parents hope.  We will take any and all of it.

I feel that even though I didn't chose to offer you back to the Lord, you were ALWAYS His, that to be able to move forward, I had to "give" you back from my heart.  He let us enjoy you for the few short months.  I grieve very heavily at times, because I am the only one that really KNEW you.  I knew what you liked, what you didn't.  I felt you.  I enjoyed you.  I miss you.  Romans 5 1-2 tells us, "I appeal to you therefore, brothers,[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.[b] Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."  I have had to renew my mind moment by moment. There are times I wonder "why me?", but at those moments I also have to ask, "why not me?"  

Madison was born this last week and how I had hoped that you could grow up with her.  It is another one of those hopes and dreams that had to be put to rest.  She is so beautiful.  When I saw her picture, it made me think of you.  She is so chunky and beautiful like you were and still are.  The fun thing about you being with Jesus is that you will never grow up to me.  Mommy's love that their kids grow, but at the same time wish they would stay small.  You will forever be my precious baby girl.

I read something this week that I had NEVER thought of before.  It said that Jesus is more grieved over your death than we are.  That was comforting to me.  I had never really thought about it, but it makes sense.  Death is the result of Sin and sin grieves him deeply.  When he created us, He never wanted death an option for us.  He is sad that you had to die, he is sad that we, His children are hurting.  He loves us so much.  He is continuing to help us in moments where are hearts are heavy.

Love you from earth to heaven,



I Thessalonians 5
12 We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, 13 and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. 14 And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle,[c] encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. 15 See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 19 Do not quench the Spirit. 20 Do not despise prophecies, 21 but test everything; hold fast what is good. 22 Abstain from every form of evil.
23 Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

No comments:

Post a Comment