Wednesday, October 17, 2012

12 October 2012

Dear Lena,

Today we got in the mail a baby doll that looks so much like you.  Momma really wanted a doll to hold in moments when my arms ache so badly that I just can't stand it.  It is hard to explain to people or get others to understand, but there is truly a real physical ache that I have in my arms and even sometimes in my heart for you.  My heart always aches, but there are days it is more than emotional and goes to a physical pain and longing for you.

Daddy and I talked about what we should call the doll because we don't want to confuse Turner at all.  We don't want him to think that you came back as a doll or get confused with what eternity is really about.  We hadn't determined what we would call the doll, but had discussed calling it Madi for Turner's sake.

When Turner and I went to pick up the package, I opened it up and Turner yelled, "It's Lena."  I took a moment to explain that this was just a doll that looked a lot like you, but that you were still in heaven.  He seemed to understand it.  This is not the first time we have had a doll show up in the home to help through a loss.  When Bently and George left, Turner had Georgie Green Bear and we got him a Bently doll, so he seems to understand things so much better than we ever think that he will.

Turner has loved to have the doll so far.  He caries the doll around and talks to it like it is you.  He tells it he loves you and misses you and that you are so pretty.  He tried to take her and feed her today.  Just seeing how happy the doll has made him really touches my heart.

I love you my baby girl,


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